How I went from 'never enough' to finally feeling 'enough'
My journey from feeling unworthy to valuing myself for who I truly am
This is my story - one I’ve wanted to share for a long time now, and it’s well overdue.
I hope that by sharing my journey, I can help you on your own journey to feeling you’re enough. My story begins with how I felt like I was never enough and was unworthy. Now, I feel empowered, like I’m embodying gratitude for who I am, offering my self love and kindness. Finally I’m feeling a sense of enoughness.
So my story begins
As a child, I grew up feeling I wasn’t as clever as the other kids in my class (I could barely read until I was 8 years old). From the age of eleven, I believed I was too fat, too sensitive and too emotional - back then, I perceived those traits as problems. All in all, I believed there were so many things wrong with me, I just wasn’t enough being who I was. I desperately wanted to be someone else other than me.
Want to know why I never really felt ‘enough’? Let me share…
Moving into my teenage years, this feeling of something being wrong with me became more intense as I took on other people’s perceptions of me, never understanding that this was simply them ‘projecting’ their own ‘stuff’. I spent too much time reading celebrity magazines, comparing myself to ‘perfect’ images, which led me into the depths of body comparison, body shame, feeling fat, unattractive and just ‘not enough’. The crazy thing is that I was a size 8.
One day after reading an article about bulimia, it planted the seed that I could literally ‘have my cake and eat it’ but still not get fat. It seemed like the perfect solution to my problems. And so, at the age of 16, my battle with an eating disorder began. (If you are currently struggling with an eating disorder you can find more medical support here). It got so bad that I would be able to vomit naturally after eating a meal because I could no longer keep in food. Moreover, I was obsessively running on the treadmill.
One night, I ended up fainting and going to hospital with severe dehydration. Even then, I still hadn’t learned my lesson. As soon as I could, I just went straight back to punishing myself again.
I was like this for over 2 years until I managed to stop the cycle of binging and vomiting with therapy and a lot of deep reflection.
At last, I was getting somewhere. I loved my career in fitness as a master trainer for an international brand. It was fabulous spending time in an energising environment with fun colleagues and clients. Problem was, we were all obsessed with our bodies and image. So then my new obsession began - diets.
I tried every diet under the sun. From Atkins, to Slimming World, Weight-watchers, to South Beach. You name it, I’ve done it. I punished myself more with cycles of restrictions, then guilt; denial, and then more guilt. That, combined with the reality of living in a world where it was normal to beat your body up on a daily basis, led me to feelings of utter disgust with my body, my size (at this point I was a size 12) and myself. It literally ate my confidence up.
My lack of confidence around my body, and feeling that there was something wrong with who I was, really affected my career, my love life, my friendships and all aspects of my life because I never felt that I was good enough no matter situation I was in.
I hit rock bottom when I applied for a position and was told I did not ‘fit the image’. I was totally devastated. I believed I was unworthy because I was still that stupid, fat, over-emotional child. Was my whole worth based on having a certain look, being a certain size? Was my worth dictated by others perceptions of me? Was I really just not sexy enough? Did all my skills, my knowledge, my experience mean nothing just because I didn't fit the image?
It was then I realised this had to end.
My perception of my own value had to change.
The day I decided I wanted to ‘feel enough’
Having spent several years battling my body and myself, I decided I had to do something.
I had to somehow pull myself out of my pit of deep shame, criticism and comparison. I knew I needed to overcome my feeling that I lacked self-worth, shake off my self doubt and the debilitating conviction that I wasn’t enough.
First I made the decision to leave the fitness world.
Only then could I begin my very beautiful inner journey to discovering my own worth.
Although I had started therapy at a young age, because of my struggles with body, anxiety and confidence, when I got to 28 years of age I knew that I had to do something to change the way I felt so I began to look for answers.
I spent a year delving into the depths of healing and self development. I read dozens of books, listened to hundreds of hours of podcasts and videos and literally tripled my healing journey.
In the last five years I have worked with coaches, therapists and healers. I have had hypnosis, CBT therapy, NLP, Theta Healing sessions and have transformed the way I feel about myself.
I have shed layers of damaging thoughts, feelings of unworthiness and unfounded beliefs that I am not good enough. I have done hundreds of hours of deep subconscious work, and watched and listened to thousand’s of hours of coaching, healing and personal development sessions. All of this showed me how to begin accepting who I am, to feel more love towards myself, believe in my abilities, know that I am worthy of the career, relationships and life that I want.
I have learned to stop beating myself up, pushing or punishing myself, doubting myself.
Instead, I have come to a place where I feel at peace with my body and who I am.
I feel worthy of what I desire in life.
I live feeling happier.
You can feel worthy & enough
(without all the years of suffering I experienced to get there)
I have trained as a Life Coach, NLP Practitioner, Hypnotist and Theta Healer and now I specialise in helping women:
Completely transform their relationship with themselves, so they can live a happier, more fulfilling and abundant life.
Dive down deep into feeling loved, worthy and whole again, through reprogramming their subconscious mind to support their desires and goals.
Learn how to release unwanted eating patterns and learn to love their bodies again, so they can feel confident, desired and attractive.
So really, my journey has taught me:
That ultimately we are all beings of love, and everything we have experienced in life has either added to it or taken away from this powerful feeling within us.
And my journey has been about filling myself up with all the love that I need.
So now at the age of 35, I am committed to helping other women (and men) to love themselves, their bodies and their lives, because the reality is that we are all unique and come packaged in different personalities, shapes and sizes. This is the true beauty of the human spirit, and as soon as we start to celebrate our differences and accept ourselves for who we are, the sooner we will get back to the real point of our lives - to enjoy it, to live it, and to breathe it from within.
Are you ready to step into the journey of feeling enough?
If you’d like to feel you’re enough, then I invite you to begin exploring your worth with me.
I created Body Beautiful - my 3 month Body Confidence & Self-Love, One-to-One Coaching Programme to save you the years I had to spend learning these transformations. I want to help you achieve the body confidence, self-love and ability to feel good about yourself and your life.
You can read more about the programme here.