Why do I keep attracting the same kind of guy?
Want to know why you keep attracting the same kind of man? The same guy of relationships? The same heart break, the same patterns the same behaviour. In this article I share 3 of the reasons you maybe keep attracting the same kind of guy, and what to work on to prevent this from happening, and meet the man that’s right for you instead.
In the last 4 years I have worked with hundreds of women (and some men) offering coaching and healing services to help transform aspects of their lives. One of the areas that repeatedly comes up in my clients sessions is the life area of love and relationships. And to be honest it is a topic I love-simply because I love love. Whether it be challenges with finding a partner, dating in the 21st century, navigating a divorce, healing heartbreak or finding a soulmate, love and relationships is definitely a priority.
Why do I keep attracting the same kind of guy?
One of the biggest barrier to experiencing true love, finding a soulmate, a partner, and getting married is the repeated pattern of the same kind of relationship and finding the same kind of man.
Many of my clients are also often very aware that they keep attracting ‘the bad boy’, ‘the emotionally unavailable man’, ‘the cheater’, ‘the ghosted’, and so on. But what they don’t understand is why?
Do you keep attracting the same kind of relationship? The same kind of guy? Similar patterns in a relationship and even in the characteristic of the guy? If so, below I want to share 3 of the blocks I have found that stop you from finding your potential match, and what you can do to begin manifesting The One for you.
Why do I keep attracting toxic men?
The Bad Boy- One of the reasons often stems from feeling like these men have something you either think you can’t have or want. A bad boy can often seem uneatable as they are so overly confident and it makes you desire it more (a bit like a chocolate cake on a diet), or the trait of confidence is something you find super attractive as it is a trait you desire to have yourself. Either way, bad boys make unreliable and inconsistent patterns in the long run and lack traits that are needed for a loving relationship.
The Emotionally Unavailable Man- This sometimes is the hardest one to swallow and the hardest to understand; but ultimately you (including my past self), keep attracting men that are emotionally unavailable, that don’t want to commit, that lead you on and give you nothing, that don’t take note of your emotions and value how you feel because ultimately you don’t. I know, that’s a hard one. But on some level you are emotionally unable to yourself. This may look like not allowing yourself to feel your feelings, it may be that you are over critical about yourself, it may mean you don’t truly value your desires or needs. It can present itself in various ways. The question to ask is how are you emotionally unavailable toward yourself?
The Cheater- In many attracting a cheater mimics the patterns observed in parents. You may end up experiencing the same toxic traits as a parent if you haven’t done the healing work. Maybe you don’t know what a health yrealtionship looks like and so you don’t see the red flags or your choose to ignore them.
The Ghoshter- Mostly this comes down to the choice of person you are going on a date with. So again this comes down to the type of man you may be attracting; someone very selfish, unable or unable to communicate. In this instance I often like to find out more about what kind of traits you are valuing in a relationship; is it looks over compassion, is it a job over thoughtfulness, is it a salary over emotional intelligence. What are you prioritising in your search for your person?
I would love to know, which one of the above is the relationship, or partner you keep finding? Whether it is one, two or all of them. Here are some journalling prompts to help you identify where it is coming from, how to let it go, and what to do to find the partner you really want.
Once you have identified the partner or relationship you keep having ask yourself:
How long has this been a pattern for me? When did this first begin?
What are you gaining out of going out with these kind of men? Is it comfort, familiarity, ease. What do you get that is a positive for you?
How can you begin to give this to yourself without the relationship?
What could be the best next step to help you transform this and begin to get the guy?
So much of these patterns come down to trauma, emotional baggage or programming from our past. Remember trauma could even be something as ‘small’ as a boy in primary school telling you you were fat-no negative experience is too small to cause trauma, everyone is different,
Much of the work I use, such as Theta Healing, Time-Line Therapy, Embodiment work and others, use deep subconscious exploration to find the root of the problem, and to transform it, and help you create a new way of being, experiencing, and living. These methods can help you to find out how to change the type of man you attract and begin to manifest the love you want.
For those of you new to my work, and want to experience some very introductory work on healing and manifestation you can grab my free Manifesting The One Master Class.
If you would like some more personalised support, to ask questions about this topic, how to stop going for the same kind of guy or your personal situation please feel free to send me an email: info@worldofowonderful.co.uk or DM me on Instagram @sirinortanca.
Until next time, keep loving, keep connecting,
Sirin Ortanca xx